Marriage is not like a math equation
Given a) exploitation
over, he doesn't pay for anything
then, b) neglect squared by n
n being we never go out
minus that time I ate those crazy good mushrooms at x
x being the insanely expensive restaurant on 19th street off Park
find x (who's name I forget)
Daddy used to live in a loft right down the street
I hate that whole street
How he forgot his weekend so I
called
his assistant from a pay phone
and she took me to Brooklyn to sleep under her big Boxer
who felt droolly nice
Apply this to the present
(Oh, the name for x is Craft)
When one is inside a Marriage Box
small things are mood altering,
admiring the Spring 2011 Marc Jacobs white silk dress
with happy big red yellow orange stripes in diagonal
Or wondering how I can transform the shower curtains I saw at Anthropologie into my window curtains (can shower curtains be so nice?)
Hypothetical curtains defined: layers of a blue Fez (Morocco) divided by white frilly frills that are more (the dog) Cock-a-Poo than linen
jingle
small things get me through the day.
And then I find myself declaring "absolutes"
in the vein of "I'm mad as hell and I can't take it anymore"
Confide (pause) I am exploited
Cry (not audibly) at the dive Big Nicks
(you gotta be from the Upper West Side to know about their free pickles.)
as I say to my husband:
I wanted a marriage that was EXPANSIVE,
to go to india
"you want to go to India?"
Unsaid: to go back to Madurai, east of Madras and rent a place by the sea
To EXPAND my world not become an origami
I am an origami
I made myself into an origami from this box
I like this pickle.
It was all about that he was tall
and that he was American american
He thinks it's about money, EXPENSIVE
Like I’m some rich girl
"Do you see me buying bags? ",
I blurted out in couples therapy.
I hear his dissmissive undercurrent: I'm "worldly."
How do you make a noun into an adverb?
as in: it's a sin to attach to this world
1/7/11
