I am holding myself
I keep seeing lights
bright colors
dashing across the pale long beach
robes of yellow
pink Saris
orange bodies
Refugees chasing freedom
scattered for happy life
across the fence
I flow in dazzling lavender
terrified I will be shot
I am not American
I am still holding myself
Alone
cold fire burns upward
rings surround my heart
my throat dries black
deep emptiness
vacancy unfulfilled
I will not speak again
I refuse to step up to the mark
tears flow forever
my ankle shatters first
My friend died
And yet I keep seeing lights
lights around my people
glowing from behind their backs
pulling me onward
warming me me,
in sheep's wool fat
burning me,
in acid heat
dragging me,
in buzz pressured movements movement
false electricity, ... and hope?
I am leaving my body
It is not my time to go
arid rocks
scattered in these manly ridges
grated by these Aegean cliffs
Fast rushing dry speed
where the horizon line meets my memories
of my base demonstrations:
me as young and yin
with the blue darkness in front of me
and the SpiderCo knife in my boot
quickly strapped but holstered
spotted in the pipe's eye
ready to dash from those chasing lights
immortalized
Except that I miss the soil
Charlie's squinty big smile eyes
the comfort smells of rosemary
a marble kitchen table with grapefruit stains
plush brown velvet armchairs
serene solitude
a chamomile under a a warm afternoon sun
while the Cicadas creek
and Children's feet tickle my cheek
my mother
mine
mesmerize me
momentarily
I am me
"tutti
mi chiaman
mare,
mama remma"
Maremma
Time stops here with motherhood
no more catching
There, can I rest in the lights
only here, in my quiet yellow inside
that is kept clean by a purple circle
am I safe now
I am the dot
with a purple purpose
the kiss peace
The egg
and the water cleans us all
I am back on the beach
in my family of waves
The time reliable flow
of even measurements
and predictable dispersion
Order gliding walls
as heavy as iron
Where I can float
lightly without fear
still blinded by the lights
and spotted in the tube
but now protected by the salt
all over me.
In the long distance I see
my friend suspended,
lighting up the sky
I will join the aerial,
speckled clean by the stars,
but not before
this little prince has found the fox
11/5/96
