for Stephen Mueller

I am holding myself

I keep seeing lights

bright colors

dashing across the pale long beach

robes of yellow

pink Saris

orange bodies

Refugees chasing freedom

scattered for happy life

across the fence

I flow in dazzling lavender

terrified I will be shot

I am not American

I am still holding myself

Alone

cold fire burns upward

rings surround my heart

my throat dries black

deep emptiness

vacancy unfulfilled

I will not speak again

I refuse to step up to the mark

tears flow forever

my ankle shatters first

My friend died

And yet I keep seeing lights

lights around my people

glowing from behind their backs

pulling me onward

warming me me,

in sheep's wool fat

burning me,

in acid heat

dragging me,

in buzz pressured movements movement

false electricity, ... and hope?

I am leaving my body

It is not my time to go

arid rocks

scattered in these manly ridges

grated by these Aegean cliffs

Fast rushing dry speed

where the horizon line meets my memories

of my base demonstrations:

me as young and yin

with the blue darkness in front of me

and the SpiderCo knife in my boot

quickly strapped but holstered

spotted in the pipe's eye

ready to dash from those chasing lights

immortalized

Except that I miss the soil

Charlie's squinty big smile eyes

the comfort smells of rosemary

a marble kitchen table with grapefruit stains

plush brown velvet armchairs

serene solitude

a chamomile under a a warm afternoon sun

while the Cicadas creek

and Children's feet tickle my cheek

my mother

mine

mesmerize me

momentarily

I am me

"tutti

mi chiaman

mare,

mama remma"

Maremma

Time stops here with motherhood

no more catching

There, can I rest in the lights

only here, in my quiet yellow inside

that is kept clean by a purple circle

am I safe now

I am the dot

with a purple purpose

the kiss peace

The egg

and the water cleans us all

I am back on the beach

in my family of waves

The time reliable flow

of even measurements

and predictable dispersion

Order gliding walls

as heavy as iron

Where I can float

lightly without fear

still blinded by the lights

and spotted in the tube

but now protected by the salt

all over me.

In the long distance I see

my friend suspended,

lighting up the sky

I will join the aerial,

speckled clean by the stars,

but not before

this little prince has found the fox

11/5/96

I had a party on the roof today to honor my daughter's goodbye to pre-K and hello to K

K as in Kindergarden

In Scarsdale it is called a stepping up party

for us it was called "Aurelia's goodbye to all her friends party"

Nine children in the windy summer sun

lined up for makeup

Aurelia chose a vampire

Leandro had a snake drawn in the center of his brow

how suitable for my Egyption prince

Goofy Gary had clown shoes

big floppy over-sized

ones

and a bit of a New York "watch it" to his tone when the kid pulled on his bow tie.

That's OK

he's real

I loved his hankerchief that wouldn't disappear five times it didn't work

on purpose

until everybody everybody said

igby something wiggie the magic words

he asked the kids what are the magic words

one kid said abracadabra and aurelia raised her hand and said HoCus Pocus

she is so smart.

no they were

iggy ziggy wiggie

which kept reminding me of For Esme with Love and Squalor

the iggy (igby) word mixed with wiggie

wiggie is actually my husbands nickname at work

but to me he is GiGi

The wind was perfect

a couple of balloons disappeared, one I traced over the Level Club, the building next to the Ansonia that must have competed for grandure back in the day when Babe Ruth and Caruso shared an elevator.

What will it be like to remember this day

It was so lovely over the city, with the park in one view, those two doric towers and The River

We were on this wooden deck

A lovely little girl poured herself two unsweetened cold green teas, I knew she wouldn't like it, and the yogurt drink, which I drank

There were lots and lots of cookies and juice boxes

Leandro had a balloon hat

made of a yellow heart

blue stalks and a red halo

and I felt like I kept saying I need you to hold me to my husband, as if I were a cat, just running up at his shin underfoot

but I probably was more occupied pulling it all off

interwoven wire
corrogated steel

brass grills
iron gratings
rusted copper
molten silver
vented aluminum
flattened alloys

Beaten and cut
traced and realized
jiggled and wiggled
fitted and shaken
melted and scratched
prodded and glossed
edged
turned
screwed
bolted
derived
split
cooled
pounded
and abrased

I am a grateful dollop of meringue
to put under your tongue and feel dissolve
To stain the clouds with love, and trace outlines

in the tall grass. To narrow all angles

and hover over maple groves, to lie

tinglingly zipped into my denser self

Squared by copper
I bend into matte
toccami nel cuore
non ho più spazio per amore
sono spenta
dalle candele non ce vento qui
l'aria gira nella bicicletta
ma sopra sono diventata panna

Hear me/mi senti?

There is a gap between C3 and C4, behind my larynx

a blue foam room and a shaving cream slide
give way to my stomach

Under my jaw are yellow tight ropes

My ears are wind tunnels

that ache and hiss

A scourge travels up my eye escalator

and enters the scalding nasal passage

Simmering drops collect under my eardrum

forming impressions of my waning pallor

My toes wiggle in the ashes

In this chilly Autumn

I hide fingers away
and slide them into my intercostal pockets

also known as my empty ribs

Can anybody hear me

Why is this cloud yellow?

Can Indigo be so lovely

I look beyond the flood lights at my indigo infinity

obviously I block out the chimneys

obviously

and I play with The One Me, my clipped hair.

that I set aside and hid in the rail of a wooden bunk

It is intermixed with my mother's strands

I know she can feel me around her this way

all the single strands intertwining

Kissing me like

she does at night in the linen sheets

Did

with my night light still on

How cliche

I could hear her playing my favorite Etudes

and I would imagine I was George Sand

That I was in bed with Chopin

Back then

To continue now is hopeless, my only words are

crescendo and largo

The piano, outside my door, and my linen,

crisp and cold

fold me

We are between my fingers
enfolded around my palm


listening to the indigo sky

The c sharp and her frozen brown wave

Andante
Largo

andate al lago?

al lago

Come andate?

Andante
andate in treno?

andate

Sono andati furiosamente nel fuoco

Paolina Weber

2/13/11

for Giovanna Friedman Ukleja who survived Auchwitz at 16 with Romano Ukleja, a polish worker, who saved her in the line. When Auschwitz was liberated they hitchiked to my grandparents in Rome.She told me they had on German nazi uniforms and that my grandfather took them straight to Giolitti, near the Pantheon, for ice cream.

*Translation from Italian Music Tempo and colloquial:

andante=walking (moderately slow)

Largo=broad (slow and dignified)

andate al lago?= are you going to the Lake?

al lago (the lake)...

Come andate? =How?

andate (moderately slow (solemmo))
andate in treno?= you go by train.

andate=go, then go.

sono andati furiosamente nel fuoco=they went furiously into the fire

I love my shredder

Confetti for Casanova

In Piazza San Marco

Shivering under his lace

I spliced up my statements

I frazzled my bills

I spit murky water

into acrid snow

The fauna have receded

I flee to the pine forest

Where only the deer can see what I stole:

my figs

my nails

my teeth

These offerings

I give to Orestes

to strip me of solicitousness

to cleans me of smell

to burn my longing

Casanova

Please bring me to

the Monastery closet

on San Lazzaro

Take me in your narrow boat

We breath the lagoons air and ride red waves

I push my heart beyond spine